


Squeak

by Missy



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Extreme Wrongness, Other, Puppet Sex, Puppets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-22 04:19:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the only other person in the world who really understands you is you...and the puppet you put on your left hand...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Squeak

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Porn Battle XII, Prompt: Pam/Dolphin Puppet, lonely. Thank you to Amber for Beta!
> 
> And yes, this is terrible, total crackfic.

Pam Poovey would never admit out loud that she’s lonely. Not unless she was trying to get laid. The puppet, however, knew all. It was ruthless negotiator in the boardroom, a gossip when they were alone in an empty office.

“Aww, c’mon, Pam, you’re awesome.”

She stared at the rubber dolphin on her hand. “I know I’m awesome, “ she scoffed. “It’s these dickbags I work with!”

“Total dickbags! Did you see Archer? Who is he fooling with that mop – it’s _such_ a dye job,” the puppet scoffed.

“Right? I don’t know why Lana wants him – it must have something to do with those creepy dude thumbs she has.” Pam sighed with longing. “I wish she’d wrap them around me sometimes.”

“Now Pam, don’t talk like that…”

“Oh, can it, puppet boy!” she shouted. “I’m a fat sack of crap with a nowhere future.”

“Howd’you think I feel, stuck on the hand of a loser? The least you could do is give me a blowhole handy-j before my eyes rot off.”

“Christ, fine. I’ll take care of you!”

“Good! Now bend over the desk and yank that shirt up – it’s time to go diving for ham bones.”

Pam thought that was terribly sweet of her puppet to say that (even if she was saying it to herself). She obediently yanked up her skirt, pulled down her boxers and started running the dolphin puppet up and down her thighs. “Ohhhh.” She sighed dramatically; pressing the squeaker on the Dolphin’s back, pretending it approved of the display she made. There was little preamble – she traced its snout along her vaginal lips, gathering moisture before plunging the snout into her cunt. She wriggled it around, moaning contentedly, before beginning a plugging, sharp motion, scraping the rubber body of it against her clit on every withdrawal. It took her an amazingly short amount of time to come, which she did with a squirt of cream and a muffled shout.

She pulled the dolphin from her slit and licked it clean.

“Thanks. Y’could’ve given me some warning when you’re gonna squirt – I’ll be tasting tuna fish all damn week.”

“Cram a sock in it. You’re using to deep sea diving.” She pulled her skirt back down, yanked a black-market cigar out of her top drawer and lit it. She smiled, and took a drag . “Aww yeah,” she said, leaning back against her desk chair.

The dolphin-like squeak it gave under her weight just widened her self-satisfied grin.


End file.
